I said I love him. In a wink of an eye I am hating him. Yes I did. I told him I hate him.
Everything was unexplanable. He asked me twice even thrice, if what I said was true. I told him yes. He was speechless. I saw the sadness in his eyes. He was sad. He asked me why suddenly I was saying those things. I explained. I tried to but it wasn’t enough coz I, myself can’t understand what I was feelin’ that time. Hay.. babae.. babae talaga ako.
The other time, we were talking about taking risk. Prior to that, he told me, para daw ako “pako” na kelangan pukpokin bago gumalaw… akalain mo yun?!?!?? Grrrrr…Of course, I was angry. I hated him. But deep inside I was really guilty – I must admit that I am really dependent on him. I know I can really do it, but I opted not to because I know he is there for me to do it. Above all the these, all he wants is for me to learn on my own. I got his point there.
“Never risk something which you can’t afford to lose”. I asked him if he’s gonna risk me? I guess, he got what I’m tryin to say, it’s partly asking if he can afford to lose me. He said an straight answer “NO”. While hugging me, he answered, kasi daw di naman ako bagay. Ng nire-risk lang e mga bagay. sabi ko, “bakit mo ako kinu-compare sa pako”? While as I was saying this, I was crying. But now, as I type this, I was laughing. Ewan…hehehe! All I can say is thank you Hon for being patient to me.
I hurt his feelings once again. I did’nt mean it. I’m sorry. Truth is I love him – I really do.
I can’t understand myself. It doesn’t happen always, but I swear it happens often. The feeling that you want to hate your boyfriend even if he is not doing anything bad to you. I just want an argument. Maybe you would think that I just want some extra attention from him. But I swear its not. I can’t explain it. Oh well, enough of this. If somebody out there could explain this to me scientifically, much better! Your explaination is highly appreciated …